I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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