We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
