we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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