I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
