Your tits are I can't wait for
It's Friday. Sex?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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