I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
