so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
