Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
