Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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