the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize