SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
