You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
