I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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