Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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