Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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