I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize