That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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