Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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