I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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