I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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