Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
