just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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