My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
