you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That's how pantless uber rides happen
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
