Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
someone owes me an orgasm
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
