College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
