Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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