So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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