Pants 0. Shit 1.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
