maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
