Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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