Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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