True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
