pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
