hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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