well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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