are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
