I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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