It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
My life is pants optional.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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