In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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