Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
