batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
