Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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