Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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