Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
