Betty ford says i'm here all night
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
