remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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