listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
not ubering you a puppy
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
