some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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