mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
