So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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