apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
