I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
