Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
