Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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