i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
