Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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