So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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