my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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