those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
