sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
