dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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