I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
