so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
