he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
