I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
my being single is dangerous.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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