my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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