I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
