and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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