drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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