I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
