Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
