its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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