i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
